katayla | Fic: And in the Pulse There Lies Conviction (How I Met Your Mother)

Title: And in the Pulse There Lies Conviction
Fandom: How I Met Your Mother
Disclaimer: Not mine!
Spoilers: For all aired episodes, including the season finale.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Barney/Robin
Summary: Robin POV after the finale. What happens next?
Word Count: 2546
Author’s notes: So this is

azuremonkey's absurdly late Christmas present. Prompt is at the end. Title is from "Song Beneath the Song" by Maria Taylor.

Robin woke up with a smile on her face. Which was weird because it was pitch dark outside and her job wasn’t going anywhere, which meant her life wasn’t going anywhere and she wasn’t getting any younger. Then someone moved next to her.

Oh yeah. Barney. And her smile grew wider as she remembered the night before. Except for . . . wait. Hadn’t they decided this was bad idea? She shook her head. It was what it was. She was sick of questioning her feelings, his feelings, what it would do to the group dynamic.

“Um,” Barney said. “Good morning.”

“Sorry,” Robin said. “My alarm . . . I have to get to work.”

“Yeah,” Barney said. “I should . . . probably . . . “ He sat up and looked around the room.

“Open heart surgery? Early morning test flight?”

Barney rubbed his head. “I feel like we’ve had this conversation before.”

“Only this time everyone knows.”

And they both fell silent. Having everyone know was scary. The others would have all these expectations. Lily and Marshall probably had their wedding planned by now. And Ted would be the first guest to RSVP.

“Maybe we need to . . . talk about this after all?” Barney scrunched his face up and frowned. “Or at least figure out what to tell the others?”

It was way too early for this conversation. Robin got out of bed and grabbed her robe. “Let’s just say we’re figuring it out. We are, right? So, um, I’m going to take a shower and--”

“When you get back, I’ll be gone?”

She thought he looked a little sad, but then Barney was hard to read. “But I’ll see you tonight?”

Barney nodded and Robin bolted out of her bedroom. As soon as she had the bathroom door locked behind her, she closed her eyes in relief. What was she doing? She’d made terrible choices in men lately. Not that Barney fell into that category, only he did. Or at least part of him did. Not the side he showed the gang or the side that was in love with her (and Robin was thinking about that as little as possible), but he didn’t get 200 women to sleep with him by being a nice guy. Was she insane for getting involved with someone who made a habit out of lying to women? Or was he the guy who’d be able to give her what she wanted?

Maybe Lily had it right, after all. Life would’ve been so much easier if she’d met the man of her dreams at 18.

***

“Did you have a visitor last night?” Ted asked, as soon as Robin walked into the apartment later that day.

“Shut up, Ted.”

“He’s actually really bad at sneaking out of apartments,” Ted said. “It’s kind of amazing no woman ever caught him.”

Robin threw her purse into her room and grabbed a beer out of the refrigerator. “Do we have to talk about this?” she asked, sitting down next to him on the couch. “Shouldn’t you be jealous or something?”

Ted shrugged. “Two of my best friends finding love together? I can overcome my jealousy for that.”

“Haha, Ted. Look, we’re just . . . figuring things out, okay?”

“Figuring things out?”

Somehow, it didn’t sound as good when Ted said it. “Just leave me alone,” she said.

“Robin, you know these things don’t just figure themselves out. They take work.”

“Like you’re Mr. Relationship Expert!” Ted’s face fell. “Sorry,” she said. She took a long drink of her beer. Maybe she should’ve stayed at work. Nobody there had any idea what she did in her personal life.

“No, you’re right,” Ted said. “It’s none of my business.”

Robin took another sip of her beer. “Do you think I’m making a huge mistake?”

“Drinking beer? Well, it’s a little early in the day, but then you woke up early.”

“Ted.” Maybe it was insensitive of her to even ask Ted about another guy, but who better to judge her relationships than her ex-boyfriend?

“Barney’s a good guy.”

“A good friend,” Robin corrected. “A good one night stand. A very good one night stand.”

“That part I don’t need to know about.”

Robin smiled. “But it would be crazy to think about more than that with him, wouldn’t it?”

“I know he doesn’t have the greatest track record with women, but Barney’s full of surprises. Don’t count him out.”

Robin drained the rest of her beer and stood up. “Thanks, Ted.”

Ted was a hopeless romantic, but he’d tell her the truth. If he thought getting involved with Barney was a bad idea, he’d say something. At least, she thought he would.

***

And nothing really seemed different at MacClaren’s that night. Oh, Marshall and Lily giggled when they looked at her and Barney, but at least they didn’t say anything. And Ted had visited Columbia that afternoon, so he had plenty of details to share.

When he started describing what he’d put on his first test, Robin felt a hand land on her leg. She snuck a glance at Barney, but he was nodding thoughtfully as he looked at Ted. He gave the impression he was hanging on to every word. So Robin squeezed a little closer to him, and was rewarded by Barney’s cheeks reddening. The hand on her leg climbed higher. And higher and--

Robin jumped.

“You okay?” Marshall asked.

“Uh, yeah. Just swallowed my drink the wrong way.”

“Your drink is empty.” Lily narrowed her eyes at Robin.

“Well, I was . . . uh, Ted, what were you saying about arches?”

As Ted went on about the miracle of the arch, Robin could feel Barney’s shoulders shaking in silent laughter. “Shut up!” she hissed.

“You started it!”

“I did not!”

“Robin, you walk in here, dressed like that and expect me not to do something about it?”

Okay, so maybe she’d been thinking about Barney when she put on her shortest, blackest dress. And maybe she’d expected exactly this kind of reaction. She just didn’t expect to get called on it.

“Do you two have something you’d like to share with the class?” Lily asked. She, Marshall and Ted were staring at them.

“Actually, we’re going to go have sex now.” Barney grabbed Robin’s hand and dragged her out of the booth.

“Barney!” Lily said.

“Please,” Barney said. “Like we don’t know what you’re doing when you or Marshall mumble some ridiculous code word. I’m just cutting out the subterfuge.”

“Robin?” Lily asked. “Please don’t let him get away with that.”

Robin shrugged. “He has a point. Bye, guys!”

It was refreshing, being with a guy who didn’t try to woo her. She’d never seen much use in flowers and long dinners. They both knew where their night was headed, so why not skip over the boring part and get to the main event?

She could get used to this.

***

It was easier to let things be. It wasn’t like she or Barney were the “talking about feelings” type anyway. And they were having fun, so what was the harm in it?

She had the answer when she came home one day to find the intervention banner strung across her apartment.

“Wait, what’s going on?” she asked.

“Robin!” Barney jumped off the couch. “Thank goodness you’re here! They won’t tell me what this is about! They just keep staring at me creepily.”

Sure enough, Lily, Marshall and Ted were standing in a line, arms folded, and glaring at Barney. Now Lily pointed to him. “Sit down!” she said. “You, too, Robin.”

“I was just going to--” Robin gestured toward her bedroom.

“Sit!” Lily said.

Robin scurried over to the couch. Not even her kindergartners disobeyed Lily when she used that voice.

“Barney, Robin,” Ted started. “We want to remind you we’re all friends in this room. We care about you and want what’s best.”

“Can you just hurry up?” Barney said. “So we can have sex?”

“See, that’s exactly what we’re talking about!” Lily said. “First of all, I really hope by sex you were just talking about you and Robin.” Barney smirked at her. “Second of all, this is an intervention about your relationship.”

“We don’t have a relationship,” Robin said.

“That would be the problem,” Marshall said. “I know you two think it’s all ‘cool’ to have sex and play laser tag and go to bars, but--Wait, what was the problem?”

“The problem,” Ted said, “is that’s not how a relationship works.”

“Yeah!” Marshall said. “Relationships are about talking about your feelings and going to brunch together. Not just running around having fun!”

“Hey!” Robin said. “We don’t need you guys to get all judgmental on us!”

“We’re not!” Lily said. “We’re worried. You can’t go on like this.”

“Uh, yeah, we can, we’re awesome!” Barney said, and high fived Robin.

“We’re not asking you to get married,” Marshall said. “Although you should because Lily and I have been trying to set up a couples’ game night, and we can’t get anyone to come.”

“And because marriage is way more awesome than being single!” Lily said, and then she and Marshall high fived.

Which just made Ted look sad. Sometimes Ted would get this expression that made Robin want to beg for forgiveness. To apologize for not being the woman he wanted her to be. For finding something (but what?) with one of his best friends.

But she couldn’t pretend to be someone she wasn’t.

“This works for us, okay?” she said. “We’re---” And she bit off the word happy. Not because she wasn’t, but because she sensed that would change things, bring on the conversation she had avoided for the past month.

Next to her, Barney flipped his phone from hand to hand, and didn’t say anything. Robin bit her lip and looked away from him. He did agree with her, right? What they had was fine.

Ted, Marshall, and Lily spent the next hour lecturing them on the proper way to conduct a relationship. When they finally shut up, they left her and Barney alone in the apartment.

“They don’t know what they’re talking about,” Robin said.

Barney didn’t answer.

“I mean, Marshall and Lily have this perfect relationship that nobody else could possibly match and Ted got dumped at the alter.” Which was a low blow, but so was staging an intervention. “Relationships are different for everyone.”

“But we said it wasn’t a relationship.”

Oh. Yeah. Robin sighed and slumped back against the couch. “Maybe it could be?” she suggested.

“But not a lame relationship,” Barney said.

“No,” Robin said. “No cheesy gifts or brunches.”

“Or anniversaries or cutesy nicknames.”

Robin grinned. “Just lots of awesome sex.” Which was pretty much what they had been doing all along. Only . . . . if this was a relationship . . . she hesitated. “With other people or . . . ?”

Barney shrugged. “Like I’ve had time to sleep with anyone else.”

“Sure, now,” Robin said. “But after a couple more months . . . ” She bit her lip. “You’re not the monogamous type.”

“Shannon--” Barney broke off whatever he was going to say, and looked away.

But Shannon was ten years ago, and, anyway, it wasn’t like Robin had ever planned to settle down with just one guy. It took Ted a year to convince her to start something, and she’d kind of figured that, one way or the other, he would be her last long-term relationship.

Barney stood up. “Okay, Scherbatsky,” he said. “Here’s the deal. I can go down to MacClaren’s and hit on some woman and take her back to my place or I can save myself all that exertion and stay up here and have sex with you.”

“But you like hitting on women.” Maybe she shouldn’t push the point, but she didn’t want Barney to be something he wasn’t. She didn’t want to ask too much.

“I like sex with you more,” he said.

“You know,” Robin said. “Just because you hit on women doesn’t mean you have to sleep with them.”

A slow smile spread across Barney’s face. “I like the way you think.”

***

The next night, Robin sat at the booth at MacClaren’s and waited. She was tired of Lily’s teaching stories. Ted kept nodding wisely, even though he hadn’t taught a single class yet, and Marshall asked far too many questions. Robin figured you heard one kid story, you heard them all. Then the thought crossed her mind that soon enough, Marshall and Lily would reproduce and she’d have to hear even more kid stories. Yeah, she better stick with Barney.

A commotion by the entrance made Lily stop mid-sentence.

“Is that a Klingon?” Ted asked.

“Wearing a suit?” Marshall asked.

Robin just smiled, as the Klingon walked to the bar, and said something to a pretty blonde. She backed away from him, not even bothering to take her drink with her. The Klingon shrugged and moved on to a table full of sorority girls.

“Wait,” Lily said. “That’s not--” She looked at Robin.

“Barney?” Robin said. “Yeah, that’s him.”

“Uh,” Ted said. “Are you at all concerned that your boyfriend is hitting on other women?”

“Don’t call him my boyfriend,” Robin said. “And I bet him he couldn’t get a women to kiss him while dressed like that.”

Lily looked horrified. “You want him to kiss another woman?” she yelled.

Robin shrugged. “He’s only allowed to use Klingon. I’m not worried. Besides, I have my gun if things get out of hand.”

“Robin!” Ted said. “You promised to stop carrying that around!”

“And you should be worried,” Marshall said. “Women love Klingons! Worf got Troi and Dax.”

Ted raised a finger. “Jadzia. Ezri preferred Bashir.”

“Yeah, but Worf slept with her first.”

Lily frowned at Robin. “Look what you started! Now Marshall is going to make us see the movie again.”

Robin shrugged. “I don’t mind. Spock and Kirk are hot.”

Across the bar, Barney got slapped by a redhead. Marshall and Ted started debating Trill physiology, and Lily and Robin made a list of the hottest Star Trek men. Robin was passionately defending Tom Paris when Barney stumbled up to the table.

“I give up,” he said. “Can we try this again at Comic-Con?”

“That would be cheating,” Robin said. But she moved over so Barney could slide into the booth next to her. He slung an arm around her shoulders and broke into the conversation with a speech about the many merits of Seven of Nine.

Robin took a sip of beer and slid a little closer to Barney.

Yeah. She could definitely get used to this.

A/N: Prompt was an intervention, Robin with a gun, and Barney in some sort of silly get-up.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

severuslovesme.livejournal.com

I ADORE this! Seriously, so funny and lovely and absolutely true to the show.

Esp this bit: “Yeah!” Marshall said. “Relationships are about talking your feelings and going to brunch together. Not just running around having fun!”

And Barney dressed as a Klingon! I love that no one quite gets B/R but that they're happy and it works. Awesome, awesome job!

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Fic: And in the Pulse There Lies Conviction (How I Met Your Mother)

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